


The Fantasbulous Solo Adventure of two drunken idiots

by Throwaway_1



Category: Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25845886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Throwaway_1/pseuds/Throwaway_1
Summary: loki wrote this :)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	The Fantasbulous Solo Adventure of two drunken idiots

Tiny pulled at the collar of his shirt, awkward, and feeling incredibly out of place. He didn't belong there! His friends did, he knew; they deserved to bask in the grandeur of- well, this. 

He'd never been to a wedding before. It was intriguing, and intimidating, how everything was so formal and golden. How the music filled the room, gave it a peaceful, pleasant air. How he stuck out like a sore thumb.  
His clothes were a few sizes too big, his hair was unkempt, his posture was far too informal, and he practically radiated insecurity; however, on the other side of the room, his friends talked, and joked; Webbs played his flute proudly with the other bards, Biggs and Damakos were making small talk with Portia, and Avu.. well, Avu grumped in a corner, per usual. But! They all seemed happy.. so, why wasn't he?

***

Akai adjusted his tie for what seemed like the millionth time since he left home, even though there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. The suit was one of the few pieces of clothing he owned that actually covered more than half his chest, and he really wasn't the biggest fan of it. Of course, Biggs had insisted that he couldn't show up half-naked at his wedding, so he had to suffer for the rest of the evening. 

Some people would've described the suit Akai was wearing as being too much, but what could you do when the only pieces of clothing you owned came from the most eccentric folk: faeries. The cream fabric really brought out his light hair, and there were delicate embroideries in green and gold all over the jacket. Even though the fairies were stuck-up assholes, he had to admit they had style.

The tiefling stopped to look up at the massive tent, the silky material swaying gently with each breeze. Grillby and Gaster's house wasn't that far into the distance, although the windows were dark and the house was empty, as everybody was already at the wedding. Akai decided to think of himself as fashionably late. The real party never started on time anyway. 

A part of him really wanted to start a scene, or at least make a dramatic entrance, although he had enough decency left to not make the night about himself. Of course, that could easily be changed by a few too many glasses of champagne, but at least then he could blame it on the alcohol. Akai made his way to the tent flaps, his hand clenched tightly around the present he'd brought the two grooms, where a mean-looking dragonborn eyed him up and down, as if analyzing whether he was trouble or not. The tiefling was completely unbothered though, and he lazily took the golden invitation out of his pocket, flashing it in front of the bodyguard.

He'd heard enough about Biggs' upbringing to expect an elegant event, but he was still surprised by how… flashy everything was. His definition of eccentric had been shaped by the few world-renowned fae weddings he'd attended, although those had been eccentric in a completely different way of the word. Everything seemed so heavy inside that tent, like every bit of decor was trying to catch your eye, wanting for you to pay particular attention to it and appreciate the jewels it was carrying or the ancient carvings embedded into it. It was still beautifully decorated, though, and Akai had to admit that Biggs had outdone himself once again. 

His golden eyes scanned the crowd, his gaze drifting over all sorts of interesting figures. Some he knew personally, like his friends, and others were complete strangers. Most were complete strangers. Biggs was dressed in a regal robe that was nothing short of gorgeous. He appeared deep in conversation with Portia and Damakos, who seemed very unhappy to be wearing a suit. He was probably feeling the same way as Akai, only he had even more pressure to look decent than the ranger. His brother was standing in a corner by the stage, and he looked as if he was there as a bodyguard rather than a guest. 

How hard can it be to find someone who's 3"1? Very, when most of the guests are over 6 ft tall. 

Luckily, the person he was looking for had been smart for once; he was standing on top of one of the tables, his back turned towards the tiefling, completely unaware of his arrival. Akai tip-toed his way through the crowd, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible while also probably looking like the most suspicious person at the wedding. The music itself would've been loud enough to conceal his steps, but he liked being dramatic a bit too much. Akai expected Tiny to acknowledge his arrival when he reached the table, but the halfling was still lost in his own thoughts.

"What are you thinking about, you dwarf?" Akai poked Tiny in the back.

"Huh? Oh.. hey, Akai. When did you get here-?"

Akai pulled out one of the chairs and sat down, his arms crossed. "A few moments ago. Arriving on time would've been boring," he said. "You haven't answered my question." 

"Uhh...nothing." Tiny sat down on the table. "I just feel- outta place here, y'know? I mean- it seems stupid, but-.."

Akai sighed. "I get you. I was really surprised when I got the invitation after everything. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them. But it's not really the type of setting I thrive in."

"Exactly! He's a prince, I know, but- it's so proper and formal."

"I don't like being proper and formal," the tiefling complained. "Whoever is able to pull this off on a daily basis is a madlad." 

"Yeah. Reckon we should steal some stuff? Biggs is practically my dad."

Akai grinned. "I knew I felt connected to you on a spiritual level."

"What the fuck, Akai?"

"Nothing," Akai smiled. "You grab the weirdly small spoons, I'll get the forks and the knives."

"Sounds like a plan- wait I don't wanna get the small ones, you asshole-- fuck you." 

"Where are you planning to hide the big ones? They're like half your size."

"Up your ass for all I care I am not that small!!"

"Fine, you can get the big boy ones if you find somewhere to fit them. And my ass is not an option." 

Tiny was at a loss for words. He just slid slowly off of the table and walked away, sneaking spoons into his sleeves. Akai made sure everyone was looking away before he started shoving the silverware into his pockets. The half a dozen secret pockets finally came in handy. 

The tiefling didn't notice the figure dragging itself across the dance floor and towards him until it was standing right besides him. Akai instantly straightened up and put on his most charismatic smile, before recognizing the all-too-familiar disappointed face of his brother.

"Are you stealing the silverware, you gobshite?" Avu smacked him on the head. "At Biggs' wedding?"

"What? Me? Stealing? Psch, I would never," Akai signed dramatically, and one of the knives up his sleeve glinted in the light for a second. Hopefully Avu didn't see that. "Lovely seeing you here, brother. Did you do something with your hair?"

The other tiefling raised an eyebrow, unphased by how obvious Akai was being. The ranger slowly got up from his spot at the table and fixed his jacket, the clinking sound of metal concealed by the loud music.

"Alright, alright, I'm going before you decide to tell on me… not that I'm doing anything wrong," Akai said. "You should loosen up! Drink a little. Talk to someone. This is a wedding, for Pan's sake. No need to act like you work here. I will see you around." The tiefling got up from the table and started looking around for his friend.

Tiny was seen climbing on an amused, distracted Biggs. Damakos shot him glares as he climbed the dragonborn like a tree. Tiny seemed to be having fun, though.

Akai weighed his own gift, wrapped modestly in oak leaves and cheap string. He was too broke for actual wrapping paper, so he had to make do with what he could find around the forest. The tiefling hadn't been too sure what he could get someone who afforded everything, so he decided to make the present himself. Plus it was so much cheaper anyway. Akai slowly made his way to the two grooms, something that was inevitably supposed to happen. He was a bit too relieved when he saw Tiny seated on top of Biggs' head, since it likely would've made the encounter a bit less awkward.

Tiny waved at Akai, although there was a visible shift in his mood once he saw why Akai approached. Biggs greeted Akai with a smile and a Manly Handshake; Tiny sat awkwardly atop Biggs' head.

Akai gave Tiny a quick smile, then turned towards the dragonborn with a huge grin. "Congratulations, you big rascal. Can't believe you're all settled down now! It feels like just two weeks ago we met in that bar fight," the tiefling cleared his throat. "Anyway, I have brought you a little something. If there's one good thing I can do in my life, it's making sturdy longbows. Although neither of you actually know how to use one, so I made you a shortbow instead." 

Akai stretched out his arm, holding the small gift. 

The dragonborn took the present carefully, "Akai, you didn't have to. Your presence is enough of a gift! This was incredibly kind of you- thank you." He clapped the tiefling on the back. Tiny was oddly silent as Biggs admired the bow.

Damakos gave Akai the biggest, most mocking, most smug grin he could muster. 

Suddenly, Tiny started to chant, "Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss--" much to Damakos and Akai's chagrin.

Portia chimed in, "Well are you going to-?" As Webbs started to play some romantic tune with the rest of the bards.

Damakos rubbed the back of his neck while dozens of pairs of eyes turned towards the grooms, the chant growing stronger and stronger as more people joined in. Biggs didn't hesitate for a second though, unashamed to share the love he felt for the tiefling with the rest of the world, and took Dam's hand into his, spinning him around into a gentle kiss. 

Akai felt like shrinking into place; if that was even possible when standing up. He couldn't deny they made a cute couple -married couple, he reminded himself-. It was definitely going to take a bit of getting used to. He had no reason to be feeling out of place; after all, his initial advancements onto Biggs had been nothing more than meaningless flirts. And yet, he couldn't shake the feeling of uneasiness that had clawed itself into his chest. Akai sneaked a look at Tiny, trying to decipher how the halfling was feeling, before stumbling out of the crowd and heading outside for some fresh air. 

Tiny quickly hopped off of Biggs and went to follow the tiefling, brows furrowed in concern- why did he lea...oh. Well shit. Tiny's steps quickened as he shoved through an ocean of feet. "Akai, wait-!" Curse his tiny legs.

Akai grabbed the first bottle of champagne he passed by and walked outside the way he came in, the same bodyguard glaring at him. The tiefling returned the glare and walked further away, sitting down in the grass under the night sky.

Tiny rushed out, the cold night air causing a chill down his spine, just in time to catch the guard staring daggers at Akai. Tiny shot him a glare and followed his gaze, reaching the tiefling. "Hey, asshole, what's wrong-?"

Akai took out one of the stolen knives and used it to open the champagne bottle, before turning to face Tiny. "Oh, hey. Join me for a glass… or a bottle I suppose."

Tiny sat beside Akai, leaning on the tiefling, "Sure. How much alcohol did you get?"

Akai raised the elegantly decorated bottle, staring at the bubbly liquid. "Just this. Though it looks expensive. Knowing Biggs it probably is."

"Well.. yeah. It's fancy as hell. Wonder if it's half as good as it looks." Tiny thought aloud.

The tiefling didn't wait for Tiny to say it again and took a big gulp. "Definitely doesn't taste like cheap alcohol," he said, handing the bottle to the halfling. 

He sipped it, swirling the bottle in his hand as he decided whether he liked the drink or not. "Too fancy for my taste. But it'll do." 

Akai took the bottle back for another gulp. "Cheap alcohol will forever be the best alcohol."

"Damn right it will."

***

"-and then she slapped me and kicked me out!" Akai laughed and gave the halfling a slap on the back with almost enough force to send him face-first into the ground. "Oh, you should've seen the look on her son's face. He was mortified."

Tiny's laughter devolved into wheezes, "Rightly so, you hooligan."

"Hey now, he's the one who kept my pants as a little souvenir," Akai raised his hands up in defense. "I just came back to collect."

"Your what."

The tiefling looked at him sideways and broke into laughter. "Faeries are wild, small man. Pray you never meet one."

Tiny punched him in the arm and stood. "I will. We should, uh.. head back inside."

Akai got back on his feet with his usual agility, only this time he had to take a few steps back before regaining his balance. "You're absolutely correct! Let's show them what a real party looks like."

Tiny climbed Akai like a tree and sat on his shoulders. "Onward, steed!"

The tiefling ran a hand through his hair and walked back to the wedding, holding the empty bottle. No matter how drunk he got, he never littered. The rude guard's shift had ended some time ago, and this time the new dragonborn didn't even bat an eye at them. The two wound through the sea of people, and Akai had to stop himself from bumping into a guest every 5 seconds or so.

"Yeehaw." Tiny grinned, steering Akai by the horns ratatouille-style.

Some of the guests turned to look at the commotion, but no one paid particular attention to them. Portia facepalmed in the background. "On a scale of one to ten, how artistic are you feeling this evening?" Akai asked, eyeing the stage. 

"Enough." The halfling grew a mischievous grin.

The tiefling had to conceal his smile as he headed for the stage with more excitement than a 5 year old going to Disneyland for the first time. Akai snatched two champagne glasses off a server's tray and gave one to the halfling, who took it, grinning.

"Step aside, Webbs! Move, peasants!!" Tiny half-joked, gesturing for them to leave the stage.

Akai spread his arms dramatically, almost knocking the halfling off. "The real entertainment has arrived!"

Tiny laughed and hopped down as the bards grumbled and walked away. The sudden stop of the music was enough to attract everyone's attention, and Avu, Portia and Damakos stared at them in disbelief.

Akai cleared his throat and tried not to look too drunk. Tiny was doing as good of a job looking sober as he was. "Good evening, esteemed guests! I'm Akai, and this small man right here is my good friend and companion, Tingy. I mean Tiny. That grumpy fellow over there, standing by the newlyweds, is my brother. Hi brother!"

Avu died inside. Portia shook her head.

"Anyhow, Tiny and I have a special song we'd like to perform for the grooms." Akai finished with a bow. "But first, we would like a moment of silence for our fallen comrade, Chunky."

"F to Chunky."

A chorus of F's erupted in the room.

"F"  
"F"  
"F"  
"F"  
"F"  
"F"  
"F"

Spazzcat piped up from the back, amused; "F."

A heavy silence fell over the room once everyone finished paying their respects. Akai took this as an opportunity to start singing.

"I may not live to see our glory!"

"I mAy noT LivE tO sEe oUr glOoOrYYY," Tiny repeated, sounding much like a crow getting shot. While Akai wasn't the best singer there was, Tiny was completely off-key.

"But I've seen wonders great and small!" Akai raised his champagne glass, prompting Tiny to do the same. Tiny copied him.

"I'vE sEeN wOndErS grEaT aNd smAaAlL!"

"'Cuz if the mean man can get married!" 

"If dAmAkOs cAn gEt MaRried," Tiny clarified, and Damakos looked royally pissed, turning scarlet.

"There's hope for our ass after all!" Akai grinned at Tiny. Tiny winked.

The bards started playing along, and what first started as a shitshow was slowly becoming a whole ass performance.

"RaIsE a gLaSs tO frEeDoM!" Tiny raised his own glass, and so did half the guests. 

"Something you will never see again," Akai turned towards Biggs and batted his eyes with a playful smile. "No matter what he tells you."  
Biggs laughed, and Damakos.. smiled. Barely. Though he seemed pissed.

"LeT's hAvE aNOthEr rOunD tOniGhT!"

"Raise a glass to the four of us!" Akai laughed and downed his glass. The crowd broke into a big "Whoo" as Tiny did the same.

"To tHe nEwLY nOt POOR oF uS!" Both Akai and Tiny pointed at Damakos with the broadest smiles. The other tiefling seemed mortified while Biggs looked like he was fully enjoying himself. "We'Ll tElL thE stOry oF tOnIgHt!"

Akai jumped off the stage and grabbed another glass of champagne from some server that was passing by. "Let's have another round…"

Satisfied, the tiefling turned to look at Tiny, who was finally as tall as him. The music went on in the background as the two stared at each other. "...Are we about to kiss right now?"

Tiny leaned in and gave Akai the slightest peck on the lips, stealing his new champagne glass in the process, and downing it.


End file.
